What has happened to the good old-fashioned travel agent? I want to go to a really posh travel agent and have them organise everything for me. I don't want to do things on the Internet.

I've got a hat face. My mother always said I've got a hat face.

I can't sing.

I’ve got this horrible feeling that I’m one of those people who’ll always have to flog their guts out to get anywhere.

The comedy I like the best is comedy I can’t do, stuff that doesn’t touch my arena.

Makes it feel like they’re not just ahead of you in the race of life, but have actually lapped you.

I have always had a need for attention but didn’t plan to be a comic.

Women are more emotional, and it’s natural to talk about it.

I can’t stand folk who are all snobby about reality TV.

I was trained as an actress. But I wasn’t a very convincing actress, so I started doing punk poetry and then fell into doing stand-up.